Perfection is a Disease
by BethyBoo97
Summary: Losing Grace was what had tipped her over the edge and now with Zoe seemingly getting all she ever wanted, a family, but with Grace, how will Connie cope?
1. Chapter 1

"What's up Zo?" Max asked as he walked into the staff room and found Zoe sat there staring into a untouched mug of coffee.

"Nothing." She said, coming back to her senses.

"Don't lie." Max spoke softly, a tone that still stabbed at her heart and made her yearn to be with him.

"Fine, being with Grace today made me realise how much I missed Sharice." Zoe sighed.

"Unless something's changed, you skype her once a week don't you?" Zoe nodded, smiling at the thought of her favourite point in the week. "So what's really the problem?" Zoe stared at him for a minute, clearly deep in thought.

"I wish I was a mother." She finally spoke, before they were interrupted.

"I'm not going anywhere with you. You're a cow." Grace screamed at her mother, as the ED went silent and suddenly all eyes were on Connie and her daughter.

"Well you've been kicked out of boarding school and have no where else to go so you hardly have much of a choice right now." Connie spoke, not noticing the eyes on her and just focusing on her daughter and the anger bubbling away in her tummy.

"I'll go to Zoe's. I've known her a few hours and she's been a better mum to me in that time than you ever have." Grace screamed as she spotted Zoe and ran into her arms for the second time.

"How dare you Grace!" Connie shouted before she went to raise her hand in anger, finally realising what she was doing as Max stepped in front of Zoe and Grace.

"I'll take her back to mine Connie, she'll be fine and we can fix this tomorrow when we're all calm again. Max, can you take her out to my car?" Zoe asked as she chucked her car keys to him, both Zoe and Connie watching as Grace took his hand and they left the ED.

"Here's my address in case I need you and you have my number." Connie spoke, not even thinking about what she was doing anymore.

"I'll look after her, I promise." Zoe spoke as she left. She walked closer to her car and smiled as she saw both Grace and Max in her car seemingly playing eye spy, both laughing as they did so.

"Max said we could go out for dinner." Grace said as Zoe got into the car.

"Did he now?" She said, looking at where Max was sat in the passenger seat.

"I thought it'd cheer her up." Max explained before he picked up on what she meant. "I should get going."

"No, stay." Zoe spoke, smiling at him seductively as she did so.

"Okay, so where shall we go Grace?"

* * *

><p>Connie walked back to her office, ignoring all the eyes that followed her as she did so. Slamming the door behind her, she fell to the floor. Reaching for the bottle that Zoe had got her weeks before and that she hadn't got round to moving from her office, she opened it and took a big swig before the tears started spilling down her face. Connie Beauchamp had failed, she wasn't perfect as she liked to appear and now the ED had watched her fall apart and her fail at being a mother.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

It was half way through their shift the next day, Connie had done a good job of snapping at everyone who crossed paths with her but she had yet to speak to Zoe, and had carefully avoided her.  
>"She's okay by the way, not that you seem to care." Zoe hissed at her boss as she entered her office without knocking, knowing that she'd be told to go and crawl back into whatever hole she came out of.<p>

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Connie spat back.

"Well I've had Grace all night and today and you haven't tried to contact me to ask how she is."

"I'm sure you're perfectly capable of looking after my daughter." Connie spoke, trying to appear unfazed about the situation.

"I am but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be bothered, if I was you then I'd be fighting tooth and nail to get my little girl to forgive me and to be the mother that she so desperately craves."

"Well you aren't me." Came the curt response. "Where is she anyway, if you're here?" She asked, realising that Zoe was in but her daughter wasn't.

"She's with Max, he is on the night shift so he's watching her."

"Oh so you left my daughter with an idiot who can barely look after himself."

"He's brilliant with her actually, you'd know if you bothered to open your eyes and learn a little more about your staff members."

"Well I don't go around making a habit of sleeping with my colleagues."

"At least if I had children they wouldn't hate me, even your child favours me over you." Zoe spoke harshly before leaving the office.

Connie stared into space for a few minutes, trying to process all that Zoe had thrown at her. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, Connie didn't do failing. When Grace was born she'd made a promise to herself, and her newborn daughter, that Grace would come before anyone or anything else. She hadn't even been able to manage what every other mother in the world seemed to manage, and yet again work had seemed to come first. When Grace was a toddler she was difficult, she was stubborn, she refused to sleep or eat and frequently threw tantrums. That's why at 4, Connie found herself putting her daughter into boarding school, that way she couldn't mess her up. It seemed that not even the best education that money could buy, could defeat genetics and now she was faced with a daughter who had been kicked out of two schools and no longer wanted to see her mother.

Zoe seemed to have it all, she had Max, or so it appeared considering he was looking after Grace. She had her daughter, they were all playing happy families, something that Connie had craved but never seemed to manage. Zoe was happy, a feeling that seemed foreign to Connie. For her her aim in life was professional perfection, there was no personal life for her, her life centred around work, and now with a lawsuit hanging over her and the loss of respect from her staff meant that even her working life was in disarray. Since the accident, her life had been on a continuous downwards spiral, one that didn't seem to be ending anytime soon.

* * *

><p>"Zoe? You're early." Max asked and then commented as Zoe entered her living room.<p>

"Well I couldn't stand the wicked witch."

"What's she done now?" Max asked.

"Same old. Where's Grace?" Zoe asked.

"Upstairs, she's been going on all day about how she wants you to give her a makeover."

"Well I think I can manage that. Why don't you go and have a nap? I'll take over looking after her, you must be exhausted."

"Let me go and get the blanket out for the sofa then." Max spoke, having put the bedding away from being on the sofa all night.

"Let me get my makeup and hair stuff out of my bathroom and you can take my bed."

"Are you sure?" Max asked, knowing that this was the pair becoming closer again.

"It's not as if you haven't slept their before, anyway I don't want you putting your back out." Zoe explained. "Give me five minutes to get everything and the rooms all yours."


	3. Chapter 3

"We have to be quiet Gracie, Max is asleep." Zoe explained as they took the make up and various hair products down the stairs of Zoe's house.

"Is Max your boyfriend?" Grace asked, smiling.

"It's complicated." Zoe replied, partly because she wasn't really sure how to explain the nature of Max and her relationship and partly because it seemed to be changing again, meaning not even she was sure what was going on.

"I wish I had parents like Max and you." Grace whined as Zoe plugged the curlers in and left them to warm up.

"Your mum is trying her best honey, you see no one ever prepares you for motherhood. It's the most important job that there is but there's no training or lessons in how to do it. Your mummy is trying her best, she's just tired and stressed." Zoe told the young girl, not wanting to influence her opinion with her own.

"Did she ask about me today?" Grace asked, tilting her head slightly, leaving Zoe with an internal battle, tell her the truth and face crushing her or lie and skate over any potential problems.

"Sorry, no she didn't sweetie. I told her that you were okay first though." Zoe told her, giving her the best of both worlds.

"Can I stay here then? I don't know to see or speak to mum."

"Of course you can but you can't ignore her forever."

"I can give it a good try though." Grace replied, firmly reminding Zoe that she was a mini version of Connie, just a more caring version.

* * *

><p>"So what do you want for tea?" Zoe asked, as she sat next to a beautifully made up Grace, who was sat on the sofa watching TV.<p>

"Do you have any curry?"

"I have korma?"

"Haven't you got anything spicier?"

"Yeah, but Max only likes korma."

"Is he too much of a coward when it comes to spices?" Grace asked, laughing as she spoke.

"Something like that, how about I go and speak to him and then we decide?"

"Okay."

* * *

><p>"Max, wake up." Zoe spoke softly as she sat on the edge of the bed.<p>

"Is it time for work?" Max asked sleepily.

"No, we're discussing dinner though."

"Lay beside me for a minute." Zoe complied and lay on the bed as Max moved over slightly, leaving a space for her.

"Grace asked if you were my boyfriend." Zoe stated simply as Max's arm seemed to snake around her waist.

"What did you say?" Max asked, suddenly feeling wide awake but keeping his eyes closed anyway.

"What do you want me to have said?" She asked, turning in his arms so that she was facing him. She got no reply in words and instead he pressed his lips to hers, relenting as she deepened the kiss.

"Does that answer your question?" Max asked cheekily.

"I've missed you Max."

"Zoe! Is he still being a chicken?" Grace shouted up the stairs.

"What's this?" Max asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

"I'm sure Grace will enlighten you." Zoe laughed as she heard the sound of small feel padding up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Her finger hovered over the call button again as she sat with a large glass of red wine in one hand and her phone in the other. For the last 15 minutes she'd been debating whether or not to call Zoe and speak to her daughter but Grace's words from the last time that they had spoken rang in her head.<br>"Connie?" Zoe asked as Connie seemingly pressed call with her consciously remembering making the decision to do so. In the background Connie could hear Max and Grace's voices and then the unmistakable sound of Grace giggling. "Connie?" Zoe asked a little louder, all laughter suddenly stopped.

"Is that my mum? Does she finally care about me?" Grace's words were muffled on the phone but Connie heard them as clear as if she'd been standing next to Grace.

"I'm not sure she realised she's rung sweetie." Zoe told the young girl. "Connie?" Zoe asked one final time before the line went dead.

Tears failed to come to the clinical lead, instead she wanted to shout, to scream, to throw a tantrum that would rival any that her daughter could throw. She wanted to take herself off to bed and to remain there and mope for as long as she could. Connie Beauchamp was ready to give up and run away. 


	4. Chapter 4

She looked at the bag packed in front of her and then of the picture of her daughter and her, from their last holiday, on the side of her bed. Running away had seemed like a good idea only a few hours before but now she wasn't so sure. Sitting beside her suitcase, on her bed, she put her head in her hands and tried to search for a moment of clarity in the blur of emotion she felt. Her body felt numb, a major difference from her head, which felt about four times too small for her brain. It was without thinking that she found herself getting up and now staring at herself in her bathroom mirror. The face looking back at her wasn't one she recognised, she was pale, making the tear stains even more evident. Her eyes were dull and sunken, much like the bags around them. Her usual red lips, were also pale and beginning to crack. Any other day she'd have been devastated by the reflection she saw but today she couldn't care less, an obvious sign of her impending breakdown.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing up sweetie?" Max asked as he returned to Zoe's from work to see Grace sat on the sofa despite it being nearly four o'clock in the morning.<p>

"I couldn't sleep." Grace replied, stifling the yawn that she could feel coming on.

"You should have woken Zoe."

"No, I just wanted to think."

"And how's that going for you?"

"Does my mum not love me?" Grace asked suddenly as Max took his shoes off and was in front of the young girl in seconds.

"How about I make us both a hot chocolate and we'll have a chat?" Max asked, receiving a nod of approval from Grace before he moved to the kitchen, moving with ease in Zoe's house.

* * *

><p>"Zoe and your mum will kill me if you burn yourself so be careful." Max warned as the pair sat back on the sofa.<p>

"Do you live here?" Grace asked out of the blue.

"No, I live with my little sister and our friend."

"But you sleep here?"

"Only for just now."

"If you Zoe's boyfriend then you should not leave her." Grace commented, neither aware that Zoe had heard Max come in and was now standing just the other side of the door.

"I don't want to, you'll understand love and relationships when you get older."

"My mum doesn't have a boyfriend, does that mean she can't love?" Grace asked, leaving Zoe concerned about what Max was going to say to the little girl that might influence her opinions on her mother.

"No, there's different kinds of love sweetie. She loves you a lot, but something when you love someone so much you don't know how to show it."

"But I know how to show her that I love her and I'm only 7."

"I know but everything gets harder when you're a grown up. Do you think it's maybe time we got you to bed now?"

"I'm not tired." Grace said, stifling another yawn.

"Well if you lie in bed then you have a choice of sleep or not to sleep."

"Will you sit with me?"

"Of course, we have to be quiet though because Zoe is like a monster if she doesn't get enough sleep and you don't want to see that." Max told her, pretending to be a monster as he did so, sending Grace into howls of laughter.

* * *

><p>"You're great with her." Zoe spoke softly as Max got into the bed and wrapped his arms around what he thought was a sleeping Zoe.<p>

"She's asleep again, so we'll probably get a lie in tomorrow." Max whispered in her ear, knowing that Zoe had managed to sweet talk her way out of working the next day.

"Brilliant! Wouldn't want me acting like a monster, would we?" Zoe giggled softly before she fell asleep again, leaving Max in shock.


	5. Chapter 5

It was late the next morning when she rang the doorbell, no one was awake inside the house until that moment.  
>"I'll get it." Max sighed wearily as he pulled a pair of his jogging bottoms on and let Zoe drift back to sleep.<p>

"If it's Dylan wondering why I'm not at work, tell him I'm sleeping." Zoe moaned sleepily and seconds later she was asleep again.

"Sorry Dyl... Oh Mrs Beauchamp." Max spoke as he answered the door.

"I hope you haven't been having sex with my daughter in the next room." Connie commented as she noticed Max's state of undress. "Can I come in?"

"I suppose so but no causing any trouble." Max sighed as he let his boss in and led her through to the living room of Zoe's house.

"I'll just go and get Zoe up. Grace is still asleep."

"It's nearly lunchtime." Connie commented.

"She had a troubled night." Max said as he left the room.

"Her and me both." Connie muttered under her breath.

"Has he gone?" Zoe mumbled.

"No, slight problem."

"I'm not coming in, it's my day off." Zoe groaned.

"No, not that. It's Connie, she's in the lounge." Max told her and saw Zoe immediately wake fully and sit up.

"Put the kettle on and I'll be down in a minute." Zoe gently told him.

* * *

><p>Pulling on a dressing gown, Zoe joined her partner and fellow consultant in her living room.<br>"What do you want Connie?" Zoe whispered angrily.

"Well I wanted to talk to you about my daughter." Connie replied, placing as much emphasis as she could on the word 'my'.

"Do you know how upset she is?" Zoe asked, looking Connie in the eye. "Max came in at 4am to find her sat in here, worried that you didn't love her."

"You told her that I did, didn't you?" Connie asked as her facade began to splinter again.

"Yes. Not for you though, for her. She's hurting a lot and I wasn't about to make that worse." Max explained.

"I do love her, I do try to be a good mother." Connie sighed, blinking back the tears as she did so.

"Well try harder, all I've ever seen you throw all your energies at is work, maybe you should put that much effort into raising Grace." Zoe spoke again.

"You win." Connie whispered as she quickly wiped away the tears that escaped from her eyes.

"Mum?" Grace asked cautiously as she appeared at the door.

"I can't do this." Connie spoke, getting up and letting herself out.

* * *

><p>As Grace had run back upstairs crying with Zoe following to comfort her, Max noticed an envelope on the sofa in the space that Connie had just vacated. With in the envelope was two smaller ones, one addressed to himself and Zoe and the other addressed to Grace, the second of which had slightly blurred writing due to what appeared to be have been a tear dropping on the paper.<p>

_**The next two chapters will both be Connie's letters and then there will be one final chapter after that and then this story is done. Thank you for all the reviews, they make my day :)**_

_**Beth x**_


	6. Chapter 6

"Is she okay?" Max asked as Zoe came back down the stairs and threw herself onto the sofa next to him.

"That depends on your definition of fine," Zoe sighed. "she's listening to music on her iPad, she isn't ready to talk yet."

"I'll make us all some breakfast and then we can take it up and see if she's okay." Max spoke getting up and pulling Zoe up with him.

"I'm not sure I have any milk in Max."

"Why am I not in the slightest surprised?!" Max feigned shock as he walked over and kissed Zoe. "I'll go and get dressed and nip down to the shop."

"Thank you." Zoe spoke, kissing Max again before she turned back to sit on the sofa.

"What's this?" She asked, gesturing towards the envelopes that were laying on the coffee table.

"I think they're from Connie, one is to us and the other one says Grace on the front." He told her as he pulled a t-shirt on. Zoe slipped a finger under the tab of the envelope and pulled it open.

_Dear Zoe and Max,_

_I suppose I should first of all thank you for looking after my daughter so well, I haven't heard her laugh, like she was the other night on the phone, in ages._

_I'm sorry for all I said in my office the other day, you'd make a brilliant mother Zoe and I realise now that you love Max. I realise that you've probably told Max what I said about him too so I should apologise to you too Max._

_You're probably both wondering why I'm writing you a letter, so I'll get onto that now. I've never really been great at saying what I need to when it's something that I find difficult. Grace seems happy with you, which is more than I can ever do for her. I need to get away for a bit, I need to clear my head so that maybe one day I can be as good a mum to Grace as your clearly are. Until then, if it's not too much of a problem, would you be able to keep her? Obviously I'll give you money for her living, I know that this is a massive ask, especially as we haven't exactly been bosom buddies since I arrived here but this isn't for me, it's for Grace. Just drop me a text when you decide, don't give the letter to Grace until you've decided._

_Connie_

* * *

><p>"Zoe?" Max asked as she sat silently rereading the letter. "What's the matter?"<p>

"I can't..." Zoe began. "It'll be like Sharice all over again, I can't be a mother, I always seem to put work first and I'll have to say goodbye at the end and I just can't do that again." Zoe began to cry, burying her head into Max's chest as she did so.

"It's different this time though Zo, this time you have me by your side to share the work of looking after a 7 year old and when Connie comes back, Grace won't have gone far. We don't really have a choice though babe, Grace needs us."

"You won't leave me to do this on my own?" Zoe asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper.

"Well right now I've got to leave you to go and buy milk but after that I'm yours for as long as you want me."

**Sorry for the lack of updates in the last few days, I've been in hospital and therefore not able to update. Sorry if this is awful, I'm in a lot of pain and it's hard to concentrate but hopefully it's not too bad.**


	7. Chapter 7

"That's my mummy's handwriting." Grace commented as she saw the envelope once the family had fonished brunch and Max had excused himself to the toilet.

"Yeah darling, about that. I don't know what it says but I can guess the gist." Zoe told her as she took the envelope and walked through to the living room with Grace following.

"She's left me hasn't she?" Grace asked sadly.

"Read the letter sweetie." Max commented as he realised what had happened while he had been in the bathroom.

_Dear Gracie,_

_I'm sorry sweetie but I had to do this, remember I told you about the car crash? Well mummy's still sad about it and so I need to go away for a little bit to make myself happy again. Zoe and Max have agreed to look after you as you seemed to be happy with them, I will be back soon and remember that I love you lots.  
>Love mum xxxx<em>

"Will she be back for Christmas?" Grace asked suddenly, not showing any emotion as she did.

"I don't think so sweetie, it's only a couple of weeks away but you can spend Christmas here, I'm sure Santa will know where you are."

"Are you sure?" Grace asked worriedly.

"Yes, so what do you think of staying here for a bit?" Zoe asked, not sure what they'd all do if she refused to stay.

"Will Max be staying too?"

"Erm, I think Max and I will have to have a conversation about that but we can go and get your stuff from your mums and you can say goodbye and then we can look at getting you started into a school for after Christmas." Zoe explained, knowing that Max and her would have to sit down and have a serious conversation about their relationship.

"Okay, do you have any paper and pens?" Grace asked, a smile crossing her face.

"Why?" Zoe asked, standing up and looking from the various objects she had left from when Sharice had lived with her.

"I want to make mummy a Christmas card before we pick my stuff up." She explained as Zoe handed her what she'd asked for.

"That's a lovely idea, how about you go and make that up in your room while I talk to Max about what we're going to do."

"Okay, then can we go and talk to mum though?" Grace asked quietly.

"I'll text her and see if she's in."

* * *

><p>"Was she okay with what Connie had to say then?" Max asked as he collapsed onto the sofa beside Zoe.<p>

"Yeah, she wants to know if you're going to be staying too?" Zoe spoke, not looking at him as she spoke.

"Well do you want me to stay?" Max asked, moving so that Zoe had little choice but too look at him.

"I don't know, this has gotten seriously quickly."

"I love you Zo and we haven't got on each other's nerves yet." Max pointed out.

"I suppose, but it's been a few days."

"If it's okay with you then how about I stay while Grace is here and then we review the whole living together situation when she's gone?"

"I can agree to that." Zoe decided after a couple of moments thinking. "I need to text Connie but we can pick up your stuff after we've picked up Grace's if you want?"

"Sounds great." Max replied before kissing him.

"That's disgusting!" Grace shrieked as she walked in the door causing the couple to break apart straight away. "I've finished my card, can we go see mummy now?" She asked as she waved the card around.

"Yep and guess what, Max is moving in too." Zoe told the pleased little girl.

* * *

><p>Connie looked around slowly at the state she'd let her house get into, it was a reflection of how she felt internally. With Grace coming home to pick her stuff up and Zoe and Max coming with her, she felt as if she was being judged by the entire outside world. This was why she had to get away, and tonight, before she did something stupid.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

She looked around, she had tried to clean the living room a bit before the arrival of her daughter and her stand in family for a while. Connie had debated just going before they arrived and leaving a note and a spare key but it just wasn't practical and no matter what Grace thought of her at that moment, she needed to show her baby that she loved her more than words could explain. From outside the window she could see Zoe's car pull up and Grace impatiently waiting for Max to get out and move his seat forward for her to climb out, she looked fine as she ran up to the door, leaving Connie to wonder if she'd been that bad a mother that her daughter wasn't affected by her departure.

"Hello baby." Connie spoke opening the door and watching as Grace bounced in, taking her hand and walking through to the living room, leaving the door open for Zoe and Max.

"Do you have to go mum?" Grace asked softly, as she sat on her mother's lap, neither moving even slightly as Zoe and her porter boyfriend walked in.

"Yes baby, sometimes everything gets a bit stressful and you just need a break. Zoe and Max will look after you princess and I'll just be the other end of a phone."

"Promise you'll answer?" Grace asked, mindful of times when her mum had been too busy for her.

"I promise, now why don't you run upstairs and pack some things. I've left you an iTunes voucher too so you can get some more things on your iPad. I'll be up in a minute to help you, I just need to talk to Zoe."

"I can help you if you want?" Max asked, sensing that Connie need to confide in his partner and not him.

"Okay." Connie replied as Grace ran off with Max in tow.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay?" Zoe asked, perching on the end of the sofa as Connie stood in front of her glancing at the pictures on the wall.<p>

"What do you think? I'm at a point where I can't be any sort of mother to her." Connie snapped. "Sorry, I just don't know how I got to this point."

"Happens to the best of us." Zoe offered in the way of an explanation only to receive a sarcastic laugh from the other woman.

"Yeah right. Anyway, I need you to do me a favour."

"What?"

Make it the best Christmas for Gracie, I've left her presents in the cupboard and I'll leave you a key to get them. I figured you probably didn't have a tree or decorations either and she loves them so I've left them too."

"Of course Connie." Zoe spoke, easily granting her favour.

"I'm not finished yet. Here's £1,000, I know it's a lot but if she mentions anything else she wants in the run up to Christmas then please buy it for her and put it under the tree, the money is also for her food and anything else she may need while I'm away."

"Connie you really don't need to give me money, I have more than I could ever need." Zoe replied, wary of taking the envelope that Connie held out.

"She's my daughter, the only thing I can do right now is provide for her, please don't take that away from me." Connie almost begged, a smile slightly pulling at the corners of her lips as Zoe took the envelope. "I better go and help her."

* * *

><p>Max came down the stairs minutes later and sat beside Zoe.<br>"Is Grace okay?" Zoe asked.

"She's being a bit grumpy with Connie, that's only to be expected though." Max replied, "We're going to basically be a little family for a while." Max beamed.

"You do realise she isn't our child though."

"Of course I do, she's the daughter of an ice queen."

"Max!" Zoe warned.

"So what's this box?" Max asked, changing the subject.

"It's Christmas decorations and a tree to put up in our house." Zoe replied, watching as Max smiled at how easily she'd slipped into calling it their house.

"How about we order in a takeaway tonight and watch a film or something with Gracie?"

"Sounds great." Zoe replied, gently leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on his lips. 


End file.
